I’m writing this tale concerning Non Epileptic Seizures (NES) by way of my own experiences. Because there is a lot of mystery in this field, I decided to tell you about what transpired in my personal life.
I was plagued by grand mal seizures for 15 years (age 17-32). They came up out of the blue and disappeared 15 years afterward. I was able to have multiple EEG tests done in St. Michael’s Hospital in Toronto.
There were no seizures however the testing showed that my brain’s activity was normal or in the normal range. It was not clear that I was epileptic however, I was having massive seizures. The seizures occurred between 1969 to 1984.
Lamictal Stevens Johnson Syndrome
That’s what I’ve since discovered. The seizures I experienced weren’t typical Physiological Seizure. The situation occurs when there is a an abrupt change in sugar, blood supply or oxygen levels in the brain. I was experiencing what I’ve come to recognize as Physchogenic Seizures. These are often caused by stress-related emotional experiences that trigger a psychological trauma and usually indicate that the body is in a state of extreme stress. That’s why my brain’s waves appeared normal, or at least didn’t give signals that looked like I was an epileptic. At the time, doctors didn’t have any idea the reason for this.
To clarify I experienced some serious head first fall terrifying to witness seizures. In the absence of knowing from how they got there it was just accepted as part of my identity. Doctor. Grey at St. Mike’s prescribed an anti-depressant that was mildly sedative called dilantin. It was a medication I used for several years.
A few days later I was at one of my brothers’ weddings, I retreated and left the church being lightheaded and worried that I might be having seizures. After the ceremony, my father came in and was asking “what happened to you” I responded, “I felt a little light headed and was concerned I might have a seizure in the church, so I came out for some air” and to which the pastor responded with a loud and angry, “there is nothing wrong with you!” .. Well that was a life-changing 6 words!
I was no longer a child at all and had fifteen years of crazed fights with seizures, and the bruises that show that. In those 6 words , my father pulled a trigger in me that caused a flash into my brain. I was absolutely furious. I was disgusted to hear such a stupid statement. I was so angry that I responded by launching my own volley of words.
It was the moment I arose and stood up to 16 feet and was chatting with my father. I could not stay from the way that his statement caused me to feel. My anger went from zero to 100 miles an hour in the span of a second and I then informed him of the exact location it was possible to put his uninformed and unfeeling sentiment.
Here’s the real kicker: I didn’t have another seizures from that day on!
This is just my opinion, however the reason I had Grand Mal seizures may have much more in common with my family relationship between my son and his dad than an epileptic would experience. This is why I believe that they are it is the Physchogenic Seizure kind. At the time, very there was not much information about this particular type of NES (non-epileptic seizure).
Today, I refer to my experience as “Finding The Invisible Monkeys”. All of us have these, some small and others large. Internal bad programming, emotional trauma. Call it whatever you want however, it’s a nebulous stressor that’s hidden within all of us. My invisible monkey was exposed to me after I was reacting to my father’s words. In any other case, I believe I’d still be suffering from these seizures today.
There’s not enough space in this piece to tell the story, but suffice it to say that the tale isn’t over. In reality, there were six phases all together:
– The 15 Year Non Epileptic Seizure Period (The Invisible Monkey Years)
– The Unintended Confrontation (The Unknown Stressor Release Moment)
– The 2 Year Mad As Hell Period (Early Stage Discovery)
– The Awakening Period (Early Understanding Stage)
– The Forgiveness Period (Full Awareness & Understanding)
– The Gratitude Period (The Letting Go & Moving On Stage)